I fuking hate my life , I even hate that I hate it. What ever I do it seems that life and people love to make it complicated for me. I really do believe that my life is just an experiment in how long a person can live throw slowly being suffocated by their own people.
There is days when I long to just die and today is a day like that, I tried to go out today for the first time in almost two weeks but when I got home I found a letter that just wanted to make me burn.
I don’t know how to get all this anger out of my system all I want is to hurt even more and just fall asleep and never wake up again. I don’t get mad at people anymore I just get mad at myself , I feel like I´m just wrong and even if someone is being bad to me I take the responsibility for it and I know it. The thing is that I can probably try to change my life a thousand times but without the help from the outside world I will make a social suicide and ruin my self.
I have never been this strong before, when you have the cans to just end the suffering but you don’t cuz you give up for the feelings of others I don’t know if that just makes me stupid or what.
My bad addiction of pain comes back to me cuz I want the pain to just come out. I want to hurt myself more than ever but I know I have to stop because there is no one willing to save me.
11 years of pain is finally catching up to me and I’m willing to surrender.
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