feeling like a carved chicken & life is ironic

Dear planet earth,
I’m now waking up to the sound of a snoring man next Dorr, and having panic attacks in the morning has never been the best start of the day. It´s now 5.38 in the morning and I’m up to go to the city to see my doctor again.
Today I´m going to try to talk to him about fibromyalgia and how I can get economic help due to my condition.
Las night just before I went to sleep I had a total melt down, all troubles in the world suddenly came to the surface and I now understand how f***ked I really am.
I know that I have to solve my economic situation to feel better but since I can´t have a normal job this calls only for putting my faith into the system of sick insurances.
Yesterday I started with a new face product and at first I was thinking that it might not help me at all to feel better depending on how I look but I have to say that I was wrong , even do last night and this morning has been a little unstable I realized that when I looked in the mirror something was different. I have been using a product from sascco, with alovera and my blemished face is changing. I feel like the red ness has already started to disappear and I only used it once.
The product from sascco can be very expensive and not anything that suits my economy but I was lucky to get a starter kit for free. If you haven’t tried the sascco products you really should it might be expensive but I believe that I have never in my life gotten so fast effect on any similar product and besides its better to get a product that works then spend a lot of money on different once that doesn’t. I will definitely try to use this product even if it costs me a bit instead I try to use the small amount and try not to use more than necessary.
I will keep you updated with the skin change and post you pictures :)

As I finally came to the doctor this morning it turned out that I was lucky and they had decided to cut in to my muscle. Not what I expected and as I lied their on the operating table feeling like a carved chicken I realized something, I really am growing up and I did a long time ago but lying their alone with this two strangers digging in to my leg I felt like screaming and crying , but I didn´t , I took a deep breath and just let them do it. It was probably good that I didn’t know what was coming but the point is that I did it all alone without anyone to support me. I have to say that the doctors where great I know that a lot of people treat me like a child when I enter the room since I´m really short and can look a lot younger then I am but I understood that I don’t need to be afraid of all this strangers, I have to believe that they will do their jobs correct and most of all I have to realize that if I put aside the bad foghts that one doctor given me all those years ago I can get a lot of the help I need.
Finally I sit here in the couch with 5 or six stitches in my leg while the small piece of muscle they stole from me is on its way to a lab somewhere. So now we wait and see, let the healing start.


Hi guys!
So I haven’t been writing in a while now and I’m sorry about that but after what happened the last time at the hospital I have had troubles with walking and my muscle is still healing. However, ironically my walking machine arrived the other day. Life is changing but I really what it to change faster so after a lot of planning I start to realize that I need to set a goal to get it done faster.
People say it´s impossible to change your life over one night, maybe it is how ever I´m planning a 100 days change. It’s a challenge that I have never done before and due to my condition its probably not the best thing to do but I’m getting tired of life and just sitting here waiting for it to start is not going to get me anywhere. I have a lot to overcome if I want to change but like I have said earlier it feels like it has to happen now, if it doesn’t happen this year then I might as well go hang myself.
SO today the planning starts and I know I have to heal my leg before I can start anything for real but I’m going to try it anyway cuz if I die tomorrow I will regret that I didn´t.
Pain or no pain I just have to get throw it , the pain that awaits me if I do nothing is worse even if that is hard to see right now but that’s what I have to keep in mind.
Xoxo
M.I.A